This season’s Bible study is on Mary, and I have a lot of questions. I told my small group first thing that I’m still learning a lot about Catholicism itself, and especially the Blessed Mother. As a result, I talk a lot during class. I think out loud. It’s a group brainstorm, trying to discern details between the lines of scripture.
During our second class, the group leader turned to the quieter corner of the room. The ones who hadn’t said as much, compared to the rest of us loudmouths. “Everyone is welcome to join in,” she said. “Don’t let these extroverts do all the talking.”
I hid a laugh behind my study guide. “Don’t tell anyone,” I said, “but I’m secretly an introvert.”
It’s honestly no secret: I don’t like parties with too many people. I get panicky on busy city streets. I recharge in the comfort of solitude, curled on my oversized chair with a cup of tea. Social interactions are enjoyable, but limited. Even when I do gather with friends I’m often on the sidelines, happy to observe rather than participate.
But things change when I talk God, whether it’s among other people or just with Him. I’ll excitedly flip through Bible pages, or ramble for hours, and there seems to be no end to my energy.
The group leader laughed at my confession. “That’s Holy Spirit,” she said.
Despite my natural introverted state, I couldn’t argue. God knows I don’t have that kind of energy, especially 8:30 at night during class. It’s not just during Bible study, either: I have a lot to say about God, and will talk the ear off anyone who asks about my conversion. This is, perhaps, the most external evidence I have of God’s presence. While it’s natural to be excited, it’s unnatural for someone who so often keeps to herself.
It wasn’t always that way. I grew up with a lot of non-believing friends, and was too shy to try changing their minds. I even didn’t discuss the day’s sermon after church, preferring to silently contemplate it on my own. I don’t know when this changed. Maybe when I had more Christian friends, or at least friends who respected Christians. Maybe when I met someone who wanted to talk and debate about God, in a respectful (rather than demeaning) way. I do know it had a lot to do with joining the Church, a place where I was able (and encouraged) to both question and worship God at the same time.
Still, I’m hardly an extrovert. I return from Bible study, decompressing with a cup of tea on my chair. But maybe, when I really need it, God gives me that little extra oomph.
